Hello Humans! It’s ThanktheDragon, or, Jaxx. And yes, I just assumed your species, but it’s too late to apologise…. Moving on. Seeing as Overwatch will be free this weekend, I thought I’d write a super serious, in-depth guide on some Heroes you may enjoy…
Hopefully you’ve heard about Overwatch before. If not here is some useless info. Overwatch is available on; PS4, Xbox One and PC. It’ll set you back between R 530 – R795. It was awarded game of the year at the 2016 Game Awards and has 30 million registered players and counting.
Good news everyone! If you’re broke like me and want to be a part of the masses, why not sign up and play for FREE this weekend! It’s available from the 22nd to the 25th of September! Yeah that’s like right now, so get downloading!
DPS TILL I DIE
FPS Veteran? Say no more, I got you fam. Meet Soldier 76; your standard FPS character with a little something extra and by extra I mean, his ultimate is aimbot. Mr. Independent also has his own little healing situation going on, so forget the rest of your team, it’s time to live that frag dream.
GO DEEP, BUT PULL OUT
Give Tracer a try. If you make loads of mistakes like my parents when they had me, this happy, bouncy, little undo button is just what you need. Be warned though, this zippy character can and will leave you frustrated with some serious vertigo.
If the dizzy British chick ain’t doin’ it for ya, get your Spanish “boop” on. If you need hacks to be good, I got you boo. Like Tracer, Sombra has a bit of an undo feature. From hacking health packs, going invisible, to teleporting away and laughing at enemies racing to the nearest hacked health pack and into certain doom. One’s not enough? Hack them all with your ultimate ability and watch them panic with their defenses down.
EENIE MEENIE MINEY MO, WHO WILL LIVE AND WHO WILL DIE
The Infamous healer that everyone pings for even with full health. You’re the most loved, and most hated. If you enjoy being verbally abused, healing is your calling in life. Usually playing a healer feels like being a dolphin on a hike, but thanks to Overwatch, you now have legs.
Introducing, Zenyatta. Balls, glorious balls. The discord orb on an enemy will allow you to shred them as silver balls are fired sending your enemy STRAIGHT back to the Spawn. Fear no ultimate ability, because yours is, in fact, the ultimate ability. One big NOPE of an ult. Float around your teammates and yell “You get heals, you get heals, Evvvvverybody get’s heels! “
If you aren’t feeling ballsy, try Mercy. She’s gone through some changes, but she’s stronger than before. This babe comes equipped with a pistol, pair of wings, a 30-second rez for allies, and a healing/damage boosting zapper wand thing… You’ll have the enemy begging for Mercy.
TRUST ME, I’M A SNIPER
Without further ado, I give you, Widowmaker. Kit includes: a hook, poison mine, ultimate ability to see thru walls, and is the ONLY spider I wouldn’t mind finding in my bed, I mean DAT BOOTY DOE! Expect many missed headshots and salt coming your way as soon as you lock this chick in…If she’s too hot to handle, I’ve got a sniper granny for you.
She comes with a healing grenade, sleep dart and the ability to snipe heal teammates and to bless one Hero with your major boosting ultimate… All for the price of getting yelled at for missing a few heal shots. Hit the practice range a few times before taking these ladies out for a spin. She’s also Pharah, the sky parrot’s mom. So there’s that.
I’M TANKY, LOOK AT ME
If you’re in the mood for a melee hero you have one option, Reinhardt. He’s got a really big hammer… and a super massive shield! Swing that hammer round and you’re bound to knock someone off their feet. If not, use your ultimate to pin them down against their will, and ram them straight into a wall to their sudden death. That sounded better in my head…
THOSE HEROS AREN’T KAWAII ENOUGH FOR ME
Don’t be such a D.va, well actually, do. D.va is a weeaboo’s dream come true. Tanky in her Mech suit that doubles up as a bomb, equipped with guns and rockets and unlimited ammo, but wait, there’s more… Once your mech is done for, “Baby D.va” springs out and with her cute, but deadly pistol! KAWAII DESU NE!!! Your dignity is non-refundable.
You’re dead to me if you play Junkrat, Mei or Hanzo… Don’t ask why. I don’t wanna talk about it.
Thanks for reading and remember, these are just a few of the of the 25 heroes. So, my advice? TRY ALL THE HEROES!
If you try it out, let me know in the comments which hero you chose!
Till next time. Stay Schwifty, my dudes.
Overwatch Free Weekend | By ThanktheDragon